moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
