well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
