who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
