help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
