I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
