In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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