Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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