I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
