Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
