They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
