i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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