why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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