Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
