Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Text me some of your sweat
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
