throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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