so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
