You can't special order awesome
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
