I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
