How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
