Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
