I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
