i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
