the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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