When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
