Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
