At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
