I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
