Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Floor bacon is actually really good
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
