I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
