what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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