I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
