hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
