The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
