you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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