are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
soo... how was my night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
