Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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