i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
