it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
