i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
