You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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