the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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