dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
