So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
