remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
