If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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