I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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