she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
