I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
