dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
