so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
