Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
