He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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