Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
